Those who don’t drink have something to hide, an awful secret that will slip out if they were ever to get drunk.
By drinking together we prove that we have nothing to hide.” —Another Bullshit Night in Suck City
UrbanDaddy sent me The Flu Menu and I thought I’d share…
Cold-Eeze and Brandy
Active ingredients: Cold-Eeze lozenges, honey
Inactive ingredients: honey-pepper vodka, Benedictine and brandy
Clinical trials: A reserve of honey for Halloween-inflicted throat ailments, and a pepper bite to make you forget you’re swilling Cold-Eeze. This is the medicine and the spoonful-of-sugar in one glass.
Active ingredients: Airborne, echinacea
Inactive ingredients: garlic-infused honey, ginger-lemon puree, jalapeño-infused tequila
Clinical trials: While the health benefits of Airborne and echinacea may be disputed by Western naysayers, our laboratory tests have found a direct correlation between tequila shots and elevated states of healthfulness.
The Chicken Soup Cocktail
Active ingredients: organic chicken broth, ramen noodles
Inactive ingredients: jalapeño-infused tequila, cilantro, garlic cloves
Clinical trials: We wouldn’t normally recommend combining our soup and spirits, but these trying times call for critical advances in the cocktail sciences. And if those advances involve ramen and chicken broth, so be it.
The Pomegranate Emergen-C Martini
Active ingredient: pomegranate Emergen-C
Inactive ingredients: pomegranate-infused vodka, pomegranate liqueur, lime, pomegranate seeds
Clinical trials: Its candy color and potent sweetness might set off your Cosmo siren, but the inhuman levels of vitamin C are integral for your well-being. That and vodka.
The Ginger-Airborne Hot Toddy
Active ingredients: echinacea, Airborne
Inactive ingredients: whiskey, ginger, honey, lemon, ginger rock candy
Clinical trials: The go-to cocktail for sick people in need of booze now has the potential to fend off actual colds. Or at least it gives you an excuse to eat candy on a stick.
Ricola Whiskey Soda
Active ingredient: Ricola cough drops
Inactive ingredients: Benedictine and brandy, soda, Fernet, orange wedge
Clinical trials: Something like an herbal whiskey soda, the Ricola chaser will help remind you that this is about your health. In trying times like these, we can’t ignore the placebo effect.